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4. You might be a redneck if..
- You've ever used lard in bed.
- Your home has more miles on it than your car.
- You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
- There is a stuffed posum anywhere in your house.
- You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
- Fewer than half of your cars run.
- Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
- The primary color of your car is "bondo".
- You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
- You stand under the misteletoe at christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Bobby-Sue Ellen to walk by.
- Your family tree doesn't have any branches.
- Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
- Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
- You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
- The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
- The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
- Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
- You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was
- snubbed for best picture.
- Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
- The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
- You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
- You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
- You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.
- The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
- Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
- You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
- Your favorite christmas present, was a painting on black velvet.
- You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
- The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"
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