A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times. On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new groom, "Please, promise to be gentle. I am still a virgin."
This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomenon. She responded:
"My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent the entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, how great it was going to be.
My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he promised he would send me documentation.
My third husband was from Field Services and repeatedly said that everything was diagnostically OK, but couldn't get the system up.
My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and you know the old saying-'Those who CAN, DO; those who can't, teach.'
My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department. He knew he had the order, but he wasn't quite sure when he was going to be able to deliver.
My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
My seventh husband was from Finance and Administration. He knew how, but he just wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
My eighth husband was from Standards and Regulations, and he told me that he met the minimum standards but regulations weren't clear on how to do it.
My ninth husband was a Marketing Manager. Even though he had the product. he just wasn't sure how to position it.
My tenth husband was a psychiatrist. All he ever wanted to do was talk about it.
My eleventh husband was a gynecologist, and all he ever wanted to do was look at it.
My twelfth husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was . . .-God I miss him!
So now I've married you, and I'm really excited."
"Why is that?" asked the lawyer.
"Well, it should be obvious! You're a lawyer!! I just know I'm going to get screwed this time!"