Manspeak and Womanspeak

To help us understand each other, here are some common phrases used by men and women, and the real meaning in italics underneath

MANSPEAK

It's a guy thing.
There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.

Can I help with dinner?
Why isn't it already on the table?

Uh huh, Sure, honey, or Yes, dear.
This means absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

It would take too long to explain.
I have no idea how it works.

We're going to be late.
Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.

Take a break, honey, you're working too hard.
I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

That's interesting, dear.
Are you still talking?

It's a really good movie.
It's got guns, explosions, fast cars, and beautiful women.

That's women's work.
It's difficult, dirty, and thankless.

You know how bad my memory is.
I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.

I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses.
The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.

Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal.
I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt.

Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing.
And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.

I can't find it.
It didn't fall right into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.

What did I do this time?
What did you catch me at?

I heard you.
I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me.

You know I could never love anyone else.
I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse


WOMANSPEAK

Can't we just be friends?
There is no way in hell I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again.

I just need some space.
Without you in it.

Do I look fat in this dress?
We haven't had a fight in a while.

No, pizza is fine.
You cheap slob!

I just don't want a boyfriend now.
I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.

I don't know, what do YOU want to do?
I can't believe you have nothing planned.

Come here.
My puppy does this, too.

I like you, but...
I don't like you.

Of course I love you!
Just not in that way.

You never listen.
You never listen.

We're moving too fast.
I'm not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend.

I'll be ready in a minute.
I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will.

Oh no, I'll pay for myself.
I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going dutch.

Oh yes! Right there!!
Well, near there; I just want to get this over with!

I'm just going out with the girls.
We're gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends