lördag 5 mars 2011

50 Weirdest Things You Never Knew About Sex

A compilation of 50 of my favourite, funniest, bat-shit-craziest facts about sex.

50. The smallest erection ever recorded in a “normal” man is just one centimeter long. That’s more like an outy belly button, innit?

49. Women who went to university are more likely to enjoy oral sex – giving and receiving.

48. Similarly, women with Ph.D.s are TWICE as likely to be interested in one-night stands than those with Bachelor’s degrees. You might have to finish this list yourself, I’m off to the library.

47. In Medieval France, a wife caught cheating was forced to chase a chicken through the village… naked. Sounds like a laugh to me.

46. A recent sex survey showed that men are more likely to be tied up during sex than women. To be honest, it’s probably just to make him shut up long enough to fuck him.

45. The left ball usually hangs lower then the right one for right-handed men, and vice versa.

44. It can take anywhere between 2 minutes and 2 weeks for a man to achieve another erection after orgasm. It takes me bloody ages, but 2 WEEKS?!

43. Men will have an average of 11 erections a day and 9 at night. Yep, we go up and down like a fat kid on a trampoline.

42. Better educated men tend to have more wet dreams. No one knows why. (I think it’s because they don’t have as much time for sex, what with all the reading and thinking and shit.)

41. More women talk dirty during sex than guys. Now suck my cock, you filthy little slut.

40. Sperm banks store jizz at -196.1 degrees centigrade, so it can be stored almost indefinitely. Don’t lick it. You’ll have a tricky time explaining what you were doing when the firemen come to unstick your tongue.

39. Australian women are more likely (by miles) to have sex on the 1st date than European women. G’day, ladies.

38. Nudity was common and accepted in Ancient Greece, but they considered exposed erections indecent. Much like the UK today, I guess.

37. Humans, bonobos and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. Not together, obviously. That would be a weird threesome.

36. Donald Duck was banned in Finland because Donald was naked from the waist down. Softcore cartoon porn, anyone?

35. There are 5 porn webpages for every “normal” one on the internet. Thank fuck.

34. Formicophilia is the desire to have insects crawl over your genitals. Yuk.

33. In many parts of India, it works out cheaper to sleep with a prostitute than to buy a condom. Either prostitutes are very cheap, or condoms are fucking expensive.

32. Sex burns 360 calories per hour. That’s about the same as a large box of fries from Maccy D’s.

31. Women who read romantic or erotic literature have sex twice as often as those who don’t.

30. During really good sex, the sweat that men produce contains testosterone, which is actually a turn on for women. Lick me.

29. 750,000 people are having sex right now. And I’m sat here writing this blog like a chump.

28. The hotter the room, the fiercer the orgasm. Turn up the dial next time you have sex or masturbate.

27. Semen contains zinc and calcium; great for fighting tooth decay. And a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

26. Losing weight will make your dick bigger. You gain about an inch for every 35lbs you lose.

25. A male foetus is capable of achieving an erection before it’s even born, in the third trimester. Baby boners? That’s just creepy.

24. Men are 6 times more likely to watch porn than women. Having said that, I probably make up a large part of that statistic.

23. Men become sexually aroused almost every time they dream.

22. Women produce more oestrogen when they have sex, which makes your skin smoother and your hair shine. Because you’re worth it.

21. Ithyphallophobia is the fear of seeing erections, or having one.

20. Bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of any known mammal species (apart from maybe figure skaters).

19. 8% of couples have anal sex regularly.

18. It would take the average married couple more than four years to try every one of the 529 positions described in the Kama Sutra. That’s a lot of positions, the guy(?) who wrote it was clearly a lucky bugger.

17. 25% of women find a man who has money sexier. That’s why I a have a £50 note stapled to my face at all times.

16. Japan is the biggest user of condoms in the world. They’re sold door to door, like a sexy version of the Avon lady.

15. 60% of men and 54% of women have had a one-night stand. That means either that 6% of those men had one-night stands with each other, or some of the women from that 54% have had more than one one-night stand.

14. An adult oesophagus is 10-14 inches in length and one inch in diameter. The average penis is 5.5 inches long and one inch in diameter. Get deepthroating.

13. A dude’s balls grow 50% when he’s aroused.

12. A man will orgasm on average 7,200 times in his life. 2,000 of these will be from wanking.

11. There are just five calories per jizz load, and too much good stuff in there to mention. Shame it tastes like salty bleach, then.

10. At age 70, a surprising 73% of men are still in full working order. I really hope I am.

9. Perhaps even more surprisingly, 30% of women over 80 are still sexually active.

8. Half the men raised on farms have had some sort of sexual encounter with an animal.

7. The greatest number of children born to a single woman on record is 69. She really, really liked Christenings.

6. Erotic asphyxiation accounts for 500 deaths every year in the US alone.

5. Merkins, or pubic wigs, were invented in the 14th Century by prostitutes who had to shave their pubes off to get rid of lice. Later, the were used by prostitutes to hide the symptoms of syphillis.

4. A man’s beard grows fast when he anticipates or is thinking about sex. I’m looking at you, Chuck Norris…

3. About 1% of women can orgasm through breast stimulation alone. I’ve never met one, but I’m looking.

2. The relaxing effect of sex is 10 times more effective than valium.

1. And my all time favourite sex fact is this: 85% of men who die of heart attacks during sex are found to have been cheating on their wives. Karma’s a bitch, ain’t it?

Inga kommentarer: