söndag 19 juni 2011
Stuff You’d Never Hear Your Dad Say
Let’s check the Internet.
Could you turn on a few more lights before you leave the room?
I do not know how much a gallon of gas costs these days.
Let’s spend a couple hours catching up over the phone.
You know what’s awesome? Tiramisu!
It’s really worth it to pay extra for good jeans.
What is this “Fox News” I keep hearing about?
God, I miss Gilmore Girls.
I’ll text you
lördag 18 juni 2011
Life with kids
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft . house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few a times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.
15. VCR's do not eject sandwiches.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odour is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. Raw eggs and semi digested cheese stick to walls and ceilings very well.
25. 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few a times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.
15. VCR's do not eject sandwiches.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odour is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. Raw eggs and semi digested cheese stick to walls and ceilings very well.
25. 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
fredag 17 juni 2011
Grattis Aftonbladet ...
..era nyheter kvalificerar sig till att hamna på löpet till f.d tidningen 'En ding ding värld' anytime!
Glittertind - Evige asatro
Tor med sin hammer drar over Nordens land
Der regn, lyn og redsel farer I en orkan
Vrede og sinne ses fra Midgards jord
Der torden gjaller over fjell, Li og fjord
Enhaver ble kalt til en siste krig
Et samlet rike måtte gå ut i strid
For Odin, for visdom ære og tro
I Norden skulle bare hedninger bo
Vikingens dager ble glemt!
Vår kultur og vår arv ble glemt!
Tiden er inne for å gjenskape den tid;
Tors hjemkomst, Tors hjemkomst for evig
Gjallarhornets dype lur
Durte gjennom skipenes ror
Til staute menn som ville kjempe
For sitt rike I nord!
Nå ligger hver eneste by i ruiner
Min sjel er i flammer, mitt hjerte det grinder
Alltig er glemt, og svunnet hen
Bare spor og drømmer finnes igjen.
Der regn, lyn og redsel farer I en orkan
Vrede og sinne ses fra Midgards jord
Der torden gjaller over fjell, Li og fjord
Enhaver ble kalt til en siste krig
Et samlet rike måtte gå ut i strid
For Odin, for visdom ære og tro
I Norden skulle bare hedninger bo
Vikingens dager ble glemt!
Vår kultur og vår arv ble glemt!
Tiden er inne for å gjenskape den tid;
Tors hjemkomst, Tors hjemkomst for evig
Gjallarhornets dype lur
Durte gjennom skipenes ror
Til staute menn som ville kjempe
For sitt rike I nord!
Nå ligger hver eneste by i ruiner
Min sjel er i flammer, mitt hjerte det grinder
Alltig er glemt, og svunnet hen
Bare spor og drømmer finnes igjen.
7 Year Olds on Beer
A handful of 7 year old children were asked 'What they thought of beer'.
'I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets.' --Tim
'Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice. ' --Melanie
'My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny.' --Grady
''My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.' --Toby
'My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too much. --Sarah
'My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.' --Lilly
'I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting.' --Ethan
'I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep.' --Shirley
'My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense, 'cause we don't have a dog. --Jack
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'I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets.' --Tim
'Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice. ' --Melanie
'My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny.' --Grady
''My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.' --Toby
'My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too much. --Sarah
'My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.' --Lilly
'I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting.' --Ethan
'I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep.' --Shirley
'My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense, 'cause we don't have a dog. --Jack
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torsdag 16 juni 2011
Lika som bär
Niklas Eriksson - ? - Banjospelande pojke i filmen Den sista färden12 år! du kommer att bli en riktigt fingerfärdig skinnbanjospelare Niklas!!!
Ultima Thule - Den blomstertid nu kommer
Japp, så var det äntligen dags för ungarnas skolavslutning, som de har längtat! När jag var liten och satt där i kyrkan på skolavslutningen tänkte jag alltid att "om det är någon gång som jag ska gå i kyrkan när jag blir vuxen så är det vid skolavslutning" och detta bara för att få höra våra fina sommarpsalmer Den blomstertid nu kommer och En vänlig grönska, ja det finns ju fler än dem men det är dessa två man alltid sjöng på mina skolavslutningar. Våra väderspåningsmän spår ju att det ska bli fint väder idag och det är ju inte heller fel.
onsdag 15 juni 2011
Tunisiens starka sidor ...
..hmm! undrar vad Tunisiens svagare sidor är? kanske att landets invånare är till 99,5% muslimer? landets höga arbetslöshet? stora miljöproblem? eller att en fjärdedel av befolkningen är analfabeter?
Halmstads sommar lager
Wow!, solglasögon på! inte för det vackra vädrets skull men detta ljusa öl är ett av de ljusaste jag druckit, okej det ska sägas med en gång, detta är ett öl som inte kommer att gå till historien, den smått mesiga alkoholhalten 4,7 skänker ölet en blaskighet som skvallrar om att detta inte är ett öl för en karl, ändå har jag fastnat för den, främst för dess mycket tydliga smak av citrus. Personligen tycker jag att det bryggs på tok för lite fruktöl i sverige och denna bryggds citrussmak räknas säkert inte som ett fruktöl men det måste vara något av det mest lyckade Krönleins bryggerier vaskat fram. Jag dricker den redigt kall och blundar jag en kort sekund så befinner jag mig där, på Tylösand eller Östra strandens varma långgrunda stränder precis efter ett dopp. Halmstads sommar lager började säljas så sent som i maj i år och jag tycker att du ska pröva den, drick den gärna iskall till något grillat.
Top 20 ways to say, “Your fly is open”
20) The cucumber has left the salad.
19) I can see the gun of Navarone.
18) Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.
17) You’ve got Windows in your laptop.
16) Sailor Ned’s trying to take a little shore leave.
15) Your soldier ain’t so unknown now.
14) Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bell.
13) Paging Mr. Johnson… Paging Mr. Johnson…
12) You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
11) Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
10) Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
9) Mini me is making a break for the escape pod.
8) Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!
7) The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
6) Dr. Kimble has escaped!
5) You’ve got your fly set for “Monica” instead of “Hillary.”
4) Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction…
3) You’ve got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2) I’m talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
And The Number One Way To Tell Someone Their Fly Is Unzipped…
1) I thought you were crazy; now I see your nuts.
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