Tv10 kl 20:00 U21 EM-kval, Schweiz - Sverige.
Tv4 kl 20:00 Robinson, del 1 av 13.
torsdag 7 oktober 2010
The Mule
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.
So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."
"And what about the men?" the minister asked.
"They all wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.
So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."
"And what about the men?" the minister asked.
"They all wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
onsdag 6 oktober 2010
The new bull
Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the farmer was going to bring yet another bull onto the farm, and this prospect raised a discussion among them.1st Bull: "Boys, we all know I have been here for five years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. I don't know where this newcomer is going to get his cows, but I ain't givin' him any of mine."
2nd Bull: "That pretty much says it for me too. I've been here for three years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we have agreed are mine. I'll fight him off or kill him, but I'm keeping all my cows."
3rd Bull: "I've only been here a year and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to take care of. I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I simplymust keep all my cows."
They had just finished their big talk when a big 18-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the paddock with only one animal in it. It was the biggest son-of-another-bull these guys hadever seen. At 2000 kg, each step he took the ground strained the steel ramp to breakingpoint.
1st Bull: "Ahem...you know, it's actually been some time since I was doing all my cows justice. Anyway, I think I can spare a few for our new friend."
2nd Bull: "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite side
of the paddock from him. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."
They look over at there young friend, the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.
1st Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."
3rd Bull: "Hell he can have all my cows! I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."
tisdag 5 oktober 2010
Confession
An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice."
The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Never Father, I'm Jewish."
"So then, why are you telling me?"
"Hell! I'm telling everybody!"
The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Never Father, I'm Jewish."
"So then, why are you telling me?"
"Hell! I'm telling everybody!"
måndag 4 oktober 2010
Beer quotes
Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
-- Babe Ruth
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
-- Paul Hornung
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.
-- H.L. Mencken
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
-- George Bernard Shaw
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-- Benjamin Franklin
Without question, th e greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
-- Dave Barry
Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 3000 b.c.
-- W.C. Fields
Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
-- Professor Irwin Corey
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a "support group." Salvation in a can!
-- Leo Durocher
One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to his buddy, Norm
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this: A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And, when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
-- Babe Ruth
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
-- Paul Hornung
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.
-- H.L. Mencken
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
-- George Bernard Shaw
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-- Benjamin Franklin
Without question, th e greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
-- Dave Barry
Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 3000 b.c.
-- W.C. Fields
Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
-- Professor Irwin Corey
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a "support group." Salvation in a can!
-- Leo Durocher
One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to his buddy, Norm
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this: A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And, when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
söndag 3 oktober 2010
Piccadilly circus, massor med folk, Elin
"Adolph Hitler made me grow it"
A 42 year-old man is under arrest for growing marijuana in his West Omaha home.
The Omaha police narcotics unit served a court-ordered search warrant on Darin Badami's home Wednesday morning. He lives near 114th and West Center Rd.
Officers say he said the marijuana was his, and "Adolph Hitler made him grow it." The excuse didn't get him out of his felony arrest.
Murphy Laws For Frequent Flyers
1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
2. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.
3. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
4. Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
5. If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.
6. If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.
7. Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.
8. The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
9. The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.
10. The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.
2. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.
3. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
4. Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
5. If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.
6. If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.
7. Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.
8. The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
9. The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.
10. The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.
lördag 2 oktober 2010
Lika som bär!
Falcor - ? - Posh Spice
En Apa - ? - Steven Taylor
Jesus - ? - John Lennon
Gary Busey - ? - En Makak
En Maskros - ? - Phil Spector
En Groda - ? - Madonna
En Ödla - ? - Påven
Pete Doherty - ? - Crazy HarryHeidrun - Sverige
Heidrun, vikingarock från Värmland.
Heidrun (av heidr, hed) var i nordisk mytologi en get som står på Valhall och betar på Yggdrasil. På nätterna löper den med bockar. De einhärjar som valkyriorna fört till Valhall dricker dagligen av det mjöd som kommer ur Heidruns juver. De döda slagskämpar som bor i Valhall dricker inte bara Heidruns mjöd, utan hon blir också kokad varje dag, och hennes kött räcker till alla. Nästa dag är Heidrun frisk och kry igen.
Frågor
Undersökningar visar att så många som 96% av befolkningen talar högt med sig själva.
Fråga: Sa du "oj! " eller "wow" högt efter efter du läst påståendet?
Fråga två: Svarade du "nej!" högt efter du läst första frågan?
fredag 1 oktober 2010
Bilder från skogen
Skogstordyvel, jag såg ganska många. "Skogstordyveln är en skalbagge som man hittar där det finns mycket rutten svamp. Den lägger sina ägg på svamparna, vilket ger larverna god tillgång till föda" -står det att läsa på nätet. 
Bilden kommer inte alls till sin rätt här, i mitt bildvisningsprogram ser man varenda liten droppe - så deeet så!
Prenumerera på:
Inlägg (Atom)
